My first attempt at a home shabbat ritual
Today was my best friend’s birthday, so I couldn’t make it to the Kabbalat Shabbat service at shul. I decided that this shabbat would be my first attempt at a home ritual, making my kitchen table the alter to focus kavanah, and bring light into the darkness and begin a celebration of life.
Over the past several months, shabbat has become an important part of my weekly routine. Most liberal Christians have de-ritualized sabbath altogether, except for going to church; and for Mormons, sabbath is a drudgery filled with lay-work at church and a lot of rules about dos and don’ts to keep the sabbath day holy. I suppose if I were becoming an orthodox, halachic Jew, I would be sliding back into those days of minuscule rules (can you buy a Twix bar out of a vending machine on Sunday without losing the spirit of god?). But that is not the direction of my practice or the purpose or spirit of shabbat for me.
The idea of celebrating the coming of the Sabbath Bride, l’cha dodi!; of laying aside the work week for a time of sanctification and relaxation and even double-mitzvah-worthy sex; of a time to recenter and seek Einheit/אחד is so different from the dreaded Sundays of my youth. I look forward to Shabbat, the singing, the Maneschewitz (shudder), the niggun, the davening. It’s a meditative practice, but a connected communal one as well.
Not being able to go to shul tonight, I wanted to make sure that I still set aside the time of shabbat for myself. I was far from halachic: cheap votives from the gay hardware store down the block; לו כשר wine, a nice chianti from southern Italy. And way past sunset when I said the prayers.
But it felt really normal and powerful to do this at home. I used the Sha’ar Zahav siddur for the prayers (and coincidentally discovered the Havdalah prayer for tomorrow as well), and said all three of the blessings for the lighting of the candles, the traditional masculine language, the beautiful feminine language praising sh’chinah for the light, and the communal call to light the candles for the One. Then the b’rachot for wine (l’chaim!) and bread.
The only thing that felt odd about it is that it feels like it should be done with loved ones around. But as a single gay guy, I suppose the solo Shabbat is what I have to work with for the moment, and it’s good enough.
Becoming Jewish 
I hope sometime you could have a shabbat with Dave and I either when you visit KC or when we visit SF.
We don’t manage to do it every week, but when we do it is really nice and would be good to do with you!
Keep up the awesome posts to this blog, I haven’t commented much but I have enjoyed them all.
Sometimes I think it’s necessary to experience G-d one-on-one. Face to face, talking and reaching out to your G-d, following the laws and customs of your people, of your own accord–what could be more important than that? I hope you don’t mind, but I have added you to my blogroll. I will remove you immediately if you ask, but I really enjoy your blog.
A wonderful, simple recounting of your solo Shabbat. Thanks.
During the yearlong, long-distance portion of my relationship with my JBB girlfriend, I observed many (non-halachic) solo Shabbats in my Queens, NYC, apartment. Personally, the Maneschewitz tradition seems like an abomination (and a relatively recent one at that!), so I opt for the “good (or real) stuff” whenever I can. More importantly, I feel those quiet Shabbats are as vital and rewarding as those celebrated with lovers, family, and good friends.
On another note, I gather from the above comment that you’re in San Francisco. I’ve just moved to that lovely city. Perhaps our paths will cross and we can celebrate a Shabbat together sometime?
Hungry,
Yes, I live in San Francisco. Welcome to our fair (and brutally expensive) city–although I see you’re moving here from Queens, so you’re used to that level of expense. heh.
I would enjoy a good conversation of someone on a similar path, maybe a study partner. And a shabbat would be lovely.
I’ve updated my profile with a public email address if you want to get ahold of me.
Cheers.